I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. At all. And it the absolutely typical, cliché teenager way. I just don’t want to get up early and have to work. I don’t want to talk to people I don’t want to see. I don’t want to sit through APUSH and not be able to yell and Mr. Henry for being a small minded sexist who votes against his own interests and then indoctrinates kids getting ready to vote to do the same thing. I don’t want to hear a fucking word about prom. I want to sleep in and wear my fuck you you fucking fuck shirt all day and spend the time with Kathy that I was deprived of. I just want to flash to summer when I can visit Amanda and Elizabeth and frolic in the beautiful weather and only see people I like. But summer might not even end up being that for me. It might just end up being a slur of working and college nonsense.
But break was actually really good. Went to the Hunger Games with Erika, Joshua, Nick, and baby Hunt Thursday night and we met some other people too. Movie was less than amazing, but it was a really good night. I was coming up with all sorts of good ideas for the Mega Games this summer and trying to recruit people to it and bonding with Alex Weatherly over reality show ideas. Erika and I were being hilarious during the movie. And a very dysfunctional IHOP trip after the movie. Very enjoyable evening. Spent most of Friday sleeping and/or chatting with my mom, and then went to the Andrew Bird concert Friday night which was fabulous!! Saturday went by in a haze.. Volunteering with SSA in the morning, which was a total blasty, went to work, finally had about an hour to myself, but then accompanied Erika to some very intense soccer games. In between Erika and Trisha, it was a great reminder of all the super fun soccer games this past fall, and how unbelievably loud I can be. Also talked to Amanda on the phone before the games, which was nice, but only made me miss her tons once I got a second to breathe this morning. And Elizabeth too: I’m sorry we never even talked over Spring break! I’m the worst. And the whole break was set to the Shins’ new album. All in all, a successful week.
And intermittently all week, I felt like I had some good bonding moments with Thor. I am really liking where we are these days; I just want to be able to have some sort of impact on Thor’s life.
So I was infinitely sad to see Amanda go on Sunday, but it was so nice to get up early with her and my mom and have breakfast before she left. Then I wasn’t all drowsy for the goodbye and it wasn’t so hard knowing that my mom and I are definitely going to try to visit her this summer and she will be home for a month before leaving. And then a two month winter break for us to spend all sorts of time together. So it was hard to see her go, and I am still lonely when I am alone, wishing we were watching How I Met Your Mother together or watching the stars downtown, but it has been a good spring break so far.
Sunday and Monday I basically worked all day long. So that was uneventful. But then yesterday I slept in and then Melissa came over to play tennis. As it poured down rain. So we went down to Westport (listening to the amaaaaaazing new Shins album the whole time) and had Italian for lunch and judged a couple on their second date and laughed about the egg that came on top of my pasta and it was a jolly good time. Then she had her first bubble tea and more good chatting. Went into some random Westport shops and I found Girl With the Dragon Tattoo! Went to Zumba with my mom, finished my movie, and rounded out the evening alone, with plenty of time to ponder over my wonderful day and how much I adore Melissa.
Woke up today with no plans of the sort and everything turned out great. Nick and I had coffee and a much needed catch-up. Coffee turned into a perfect downtown adventure as we decided to get summer jobs together working at high end men’s clothing stores. Commence wondering into every men’s clothing store on the Plaza. Can’t wait to be working at J Crew or the like together. Had a late lunch at Spin! and finished off with Christopher Elbow ice cream. The whole thing was great. Then went with Katie, Drew, and Allison so Katie could pierce her bellybutton. Somehow we decided that we all needed ‘Fuck you you fucking fuck’ shirts and made that our even goal. Success. I adore Katie and Drew so much and I don’t even know what I am going to do next year. But I think we’re hanging out again later in the week so all will be well for now. For a day with no plans, it ended up perfect.
Kathy, we will see each other eventually! I am just not very good about checking my facebook so I miss you when you’re on. But I miss you tons and tons and I’m sorry we keep missing each other.
John and I are in our Dakota kitchen in the middle of the night. Three cats — Sasha, Micha and Charo — are looking up at John, who is making tea for us two.
Sasha is all white, Micha is all black. They are both gorgeous, classy Persian cats. Charo, on the other hand, is a mutt. John used to have a special love for Charo. “You’ve got a funny face, Charo!” he would say, and pat her.
“Yoko, Yoko, you’re supposed to first put the tea bags in, and then the hot water.” John took the role of the tea maker, for being English. So I gave up doing it.
It was nice to be up in the middle of the night, when there was no sound in the house, and sip the tea John would make. One night, however, John said: “I was talking to Aunt Mimi this afternoon and she says you are supposed to put the hot water in first. Then the tea bag. I could swear she taught me to put the tea bag in first, but …”
“So all this time, we were doing it wrong?”
We both cracked up. That was in 1980. Neither of us knew that it was to be the last year of our life together.
This would have been the 70th birthday year for John if only he was here. But people are not questioning if he is here or not. They just love him and are keeping him alive with their love. I’ve received notes from people in all corners of the world letting me know that they were celebrating this year to thank John for having given us so much in his 40 short years on earth.
The most important gift we received from him was not words, but deeds. He believed in Truth, and had dared to speak up. We all knew that he upset certain powerful people with it. But that was John. He couldn’t have been any other way. If he were here now, I think he would still be shouting the truth. Without the truth, there would be no way to achieve world peace.
On this day, the day he was assassinated, what I remember is the night we both cracked up drinking tea.
They say teenagers laugh at the drop of a hat. Nowadays I see many teenagers sad and angry with each other. John and I were hardly teenagers. But my memory of us is that we were a couple who laughed.
“Telling boys and men that they shouldn’t drink regular diet drinks because they’re effeminate, but should instead drink “manly” things like Dr. Pepper Ten and Coke Zero and Pepsi Max, is telling them that there’s a right way to be male and it doesn’t involve anything feminine. That, in turn, tells them that female is less, female is bad, and female is worthy of ridicule. If men and boys are surrounded by ad campaigns that reinforce these ideas, don’t you think they’ll probably think women are less, and bad, and worthy of ridicule?”—
So my sister’s home. So obviously I am no longer doing anything even remotely productive. Just randomly cackling and watching How I Met Your Mother and doing so much eating. But it is utterly fantastic.
First of all though, small things from last week. Not really much of substance, but I went to dinner with Brittney on Wednesday and it was really nice to catch up with her. Brittney is always just really good about making you feel okay about being a teenager and acting like one, which I tend to struggle with. She makes me feel more on track knowing that my level of self assuredness is more than really necessary. And it’s just cute the way she gets excited about small things and always links everything to ‘It’s because you’re an Allred’.
And then on Thursday I had my NHS induction, which was kind of stupid and way too long, but I couldn’t help but be really moved by how Madam introduced me. And it wasn’t even so much what she said, but thinking about what a strong role she and my French class in general have played in my life, and how at the end of the semester, it’s not going to be the same anymore. Even if I end up taking independent study French, it won’t be with Drew and Katie and Maisie and Jacqueline and even the people I don’t like. And my French class has raised me. They all cringed along with me looking at Ginger Mason last year, got excited with me when I got my tattoo, encouraged me when I was devastated over MSA, and has watched my entire relationship with my more recent friends, like Kathy and Nick, develop. Especially Madam because she reads my journal, and I just don’t see much point in editing things for her, so she can just continue waiting for Nick and I to fall in love, and for everything else that she gathers from how I spend my time to fall in place. And I can’t believe she remembered me specifically from Freshman year, when I wasn’t fun, wasn’t cute, and wasn’t really much of anything too memorable. But being in that class has made me more cultured and outgoing and adventuresome in some wonderful ways. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. So even though I was strangely ridiculously nervous about walking across the stage, I was so overwhelmed with emotion I didn’t even notice.
Then Friday night my mother and I went to protest a homophobic reverend’s presentation with KCAC and another church too. It was just wonderful to be able to get together with everyone, god-fearing or not, and stand up for equality. And I love everyone at KCAC and I value the opportunity to actually get out there and make my values known so much! And it’s amazing to be able to be a part of all these different groups, the Northland Freethinkers and Midwest Skeptics and Freethought Family Fellowship too!
Then Amanda came home!! Saturday I worked and then the fam all just hung out until it was time for dinner and then we all went to La Bodega with Jordan and Jessica from Omaha. They are both so hilarious and so fun! I love that they never talk down to me or try to censor themselves, they are just normal. Jessica was being so funny talking about how she dreams about flavored hot chocolate with complementing marshmallows. Sunday we went to Brunch with them again and then just kind of killed time until dinner at Grandma’s, which was hilarious! Because Thor accidentally flicked a fork at himself and my dad couldn’t find a way to get Amanda and I to be quiet and we just cackled at everything. We went to go see Friends with Kids (which was rather interesting and good; moral of the story: don’t have kids) that night and then then Amanda and I stayed up way too late chatting and having small freak outs and whining in our sisterly ways. Monday morning Amanda, Mom, and I went to tour the Roasterie, which was less exciting than I had expected, and then lunched and shopped on the Plaza! Worked Monday night and then had a fire with the fam! Yesterday, we went to Zumba and to Jazz, which was sort of dysfunctional but still pleasant. Today we layed out when I got home from school, and then Amanda and I went out to dinner at Spin (on Grandma’s dime too) and then went to the Nelson/Bloch Building and layed on the lawn and looked at stars. I couldn’t have imagined a better night.
And I’m not going to school tomorrow, because the fam is going to the Zoo! So it’ll be a good day and then Friday shouldn’t be too bad and then it’s real Spring break, so all shall be well.
“Why extremists always focus on women remains a mystery to me, but they all seem to. It doesn’t matter what country they’re in or what religion they claim, they all want to control women. They want to control how we dress, they want to control how we act, they even want to control the decisions we make about our own health and our own bodies. Yes, it is hard to believe. But even here at home, we have to stand up for women’s rights and reject efforts to marginalize any one of us because America needs to set an example for the entire world.”—
Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton
Great speech by Hilary Clinton. We also need to keep in mind that while we are calling for America to “set an example” this must not, and can not translate into “Americans telling women in other countries how to fight for their own rights” and keep this as a focus on analyzing what is going on in America, and even how America exports damaging and exotifying images & beliefs about other women all over the world. We can set an example by handling our business in house while still aknowledging our complicity in the subjagation of the “exotic other” overseas that we do on a daily basis.